A terrible me …

Looking at me, I think your first impression will be: “Oh, she is so dull and silent!”. The truth is I always feel like I don’t belong to the crowd, to the people around me, no matter how nice they are.

I know currently there is a popular trend among the teenager in which they try to pretend to be blue, to be separated from others. But I am not trying to appear like that. This stupid trend means nothing to me. Everyday I tell myself to relax in a crowd, to behave naturally in front of others, to laugh at something funny and to think the way they often think. However, I still fail all the time. I sometimes try too hard to appear like a humorous one, but this effort results in some terrible sort of things in which I look like a fool.

I love to be so natural and so humorous like some of my friends. I love to share with my friends their story and to hang out with them more often.

Maybe the reason is I am lack of confidence. Maybe the reason is I am too selfish trying to keep everything in my mind, suffering in silence and ignoring others. But I think one of the biggest reasons is I am so self-centred. I just simply want to keep a firm hard shell to hide in, to appear like something not too wired as well as not too shinny to draw too much attention.

Silly me!

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