To a special pearl …

Today is Pearl S. Buck’s birthday. I didn’t notice it until I saw a notification on my facebook. I wrote some lines to the fan page to show my love and my respect to her. But when I went to sleep some minutes ago, I suddenly recalled some important things between her and me. I was deeply touched, like somebody just filled my heart with a cup of hot milk and making it beat faster. And I couldn’t help it. I have to wake up to write something down or else it would slip through my fingers like so many times before. Feelings and emotions are even more fragile than a spider string. Just one invisible touch of the wind can blow it away and it would disappear forever. Impossible to re-create.

I read the first Pearl Buck’s short story when I was a teenager who was struggling with herself everyday to find a good way of living. Her story was collected in a book named “The Nobel-laureates’ writings”. I still remembered this feeling: peaceful, quiet and elegant just like the floating mysterious incense fragrance from my great grandparents’ incense burner. The story was translated into Vietnamese and until now, what a shame, I haven’t found its original version. I guess this story was too trivial comparing to her several great masterpieces. But the first touch is always the deepest touch. I love this story for its simplicity and its fragility, for all the beautiful pictures it naturally and magically sent to my mind. From that moment on, I had a certain viewpoint about how a beautiful woman  should be which still lingered in my mind with some alterations as the result of time and of my exposure to the world and its reflections (mostly its reflections, to be honest). Pearl Buck opened my eyes and showed me all the old yet precious lifestyle of my ancestors that I hadn’t fully aware of. But most important of all, she gave me comfort and a guideline when I found nothing in my old poor village and my country to be proud of. At that time, I faced Western people everyday and I tasted all the bitterness of being looked down on. Maybe they were not that rude, it was me and my inferior complexity that made the situation seem to be that terrible. But the truth was that I felt small, so small. I felt like it was not fair at all to be born in such a village, such a country. My country was poor itself, but even people from the city visiting my village treated me like trash. How pathetic! How can a 15-year-old girl feel good about herself, about her origin when all she received was disrespect? But luckily Pearl Buck just elegantly showed up and pulled me out of the ocean. She made me realize that all the old and rusty stuffs that I once wanted to deny had a permanent value. It was precious gemstone hiding in the middle of a normal rock, it was like the leather in Andersen story with its whisper: The paint could fade away but the leather remains forever! I was born there and I just belong to that place till the last day of my life. And all the old and unchanged lifestyle has an indescribable beauty, a beauty that has a power to help you overcome all the boundaries that separated you from your   previous generations. It was when you thought you had lost yourself  that you were found and saved! And only that simple!

Millions thanks to Pearl S. Buck for changing my viewpoint in such a way that I couldn’t recognize without some serious looking-back moments. To me, you are like water … Powerful yet so elegant and mysterious!

Please hear my prayer!

Please hear my prayer, dear someone above

I have to make it, I have to be successful

I don’t ask you to help me take the moon!

I don’t ask you for beauty, for fame or for richness!

I just beg you to shine on my sis

To help her overcome her next great challenge!

Please give her some luck for good performance!

Please give me strength to follow her till the last!

I don’t want to take a look back on the past

Neither do I want to blame her for what was not her fault!

I am praying with all the honesty in my heart right now

Please help her, please shine on her, The Almighty above!

You could take the luck you want to grant me if you need that

I just want to spare all the best for her

For me she is always my little sister

I love her, please cover her inside my love!

 

 

The pains inside make me feel I exist

Maybe what we want is a perfect life

There will be no pain, no sorrow, well, nothing bad

No one will intentionally make you upset

You’re welcome everywhere, not a single thing let you down

If I were that perfect, think about how great it sounds!

I don’t have to sit here, alone with my sadness!

I don’t have to feel like there’s nowhere that I will fit!

I don’t have to write down those bitter lines to ease the pain!

All I need now is a little change

So that all my efforts would never be meaningless

I would never have a secret crush on a boy I don’t dare to meet

This morning I silently walked past him,

wishing he didn’t see my spotty jeans and my muddy bike!

But I know that someday, of course, I will shine

I’m trying hard everyday, waiting for a chance to take

I don’t care what challenges will be the next

Everything will be fine, well, it will just be fine!

I won’t cry anymore if I fail no matter how hard I try

Because the pains inside somehow make me feel that I exist …

Dear textbook (By John Hulls, no offense intended)

If I give it up

It is too easy

Honey you shall see

I hang on to it

I will try my best

Work hard as I can

Stronger like a man

Tranquil like forest

I will stay up late

And wake up early

Make the best of me

Use every minute

When I’m badly hit

I start it over

I was born fighter!

So don’t you mess up!

I raise myself up

And grow wiser

I would be winner

Shining like fireworks!

Hey boring textbook,

I’m not afraid of you

The number is “cute”

The teacher is “great”

So “nice” are classmates

“Wonderful” Monday

What more can I say

I “love” you the most!

(After a night staying wide awake studying John Hulls)

If you like him …

If you like someone

Don’t be afraid

It would be too late

So just let him know

You’re getting old

Time is running fast

Don’t let him walk past

So just let him know

Your heart will be cold

Hidden too much deep

He knows how to keep

Just give it to him!

Be strong …

Don’t let it get the best part of you

Don’t let it beat you from the very start

You don’t really have to be too smart

It’s the patience and the efforts that count

All you have to do is to work it out

To start from the most tiny part

Pretending like you don’t feel any fear deep down inside your heart

Everything will turn out to be good, my dear

Now it’s not a very good moment for tears

The night is still long, and make sure you’re still brave enough!