Something collected from an old notebook …

Now I just want to write something about happiness. What makes you happy? When I was little, I usually looked at the cover of a notebook, which was the picture of a very lovely girl riding a pink pony. Whenever I felt sad, whenever I was punished by my parents, whenever something squeezed my little baby heart, I found my favorite dark corner in the house, staring at the picture for hours. I don’t know how that picture eased my pains and dried my tears in such a magical way. When I grew a little older, as a 14-year-old girl, my favorite activity was reading. I loved when I lied safely in bed with my favorite pillow and my soft warm blanket and scattered all my favorite books all over the bed. It was such a comfort! I’ve never felt so happy and secured like that in my life.

It’s so ridiculous that nothing could make me feel safe these days. I still remember so clearly some nights a few weeks ago, when I lied wide awake at night, so terrified that I could hardly fall asleep. I tried to find something to bury the worry to some places deep down underneath my soul, but it was so strange that I just couldn’t …


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