Am I entering that phase, the phase of an old lady who no one gives a shit about? I used to disgust the flirtation men always throw at women in terms of whistling, but today when there’s nothing around I felt there must be something terribly wrong with myself. OMG! Am I that pathetic? Am I the type of person whose appearance generates nothing but disgust to the opposite sex? Maybe I should invest more in my wardrobe? Maybe I should stop wearing short hair like that? Maybe I should obey the rule? Anyway, appearance is the thing that strikes people around you at first. I look around myself and see so many girls, happy and sparkling in their twenties or even teens. Eyelashes flutter, lipsticks glow, dresses welcome and hair flows. What about me? I wear my hair short, I don’t have a pretty face, I don’t even have boobs, I wear jeans and T-shirt and a stupid floral bag. Worst of all, today I discovered I had ice-cream, chocolate ice-cream stained my mouth just like a stupid drooling dog. And I walked around the lake! Alone! OMG! I look like a fool!
What’s wrong with me? If I force myself to change, I don’t feel like it’s myself anymore. Think about it! I’m quite into the casual styles of celebrities. But, they are celebrities for screaming out loud. They have the effortless beauty that I could never mimic. They’re different kind of people, different from me … Look at me. I don’t have a perfect body. I’m total lack of curves. My face doesn’t look sharp and elegant. My personality and my confidence don’t sparkle out of myself and create my natural make-up. I don’t have special talents. I don’t seem to know things, people and places. I seem odd, whenever I try to fit myself in somewhere. How pathetic!
Tonight I would have to think about it! Anyway I prefer to be myself, I prefer to do things my way. In the bright side, I guess the first extra 4 Ielts lesson was not too bad. At least I had a control over my lesson. I guess I have to do a make-over with my lesson plans for the next 4 weeks. For the strength and a better attitude to carry on, I think I should look at my hands, my feet and touch my nose to feel grateful for what I had.
I look at them in their twenties
They’re all sparkling with plain happy
Eyelashes flutter, lipsticks glow
Dresses welcome and hair flows
And I wonder what’s wrong with myself?