You know, I can’t believe I spent all night crying like an idiot. There’s something, something burning and tearing inside my chest, that I could not handle. I lied wide awake in bed, tears kept falling from my eyes, for a few moments I even sobbed pathetically because I couldn’t hide the pain inside. I called in sick the next morning because the more I thought about work, the more I felt horrible about how tired it was to smile and how difficult it was to act happily and light-heartedly. I watched again and again a movie with the last scene of a poor girl begging a guy to reconsider his wedding. But, as he said: “I moved on, you moved on … We walked different paths for so long … We cannot turn back time …”, I somehow know it would be the same for us.
Then everything became clearer to me as I thought it through. If I could even turn back time, I don’t think there would have been anything different. We could not do the wrong things. We could not be selfish. What we have, is just a sparkle and no more than that. A sparkle that I would cherish my whole life, and I hope you would, too. Besides, I was not ready back then. I was no more than a little child who loved her ego more than anything else on earth. You, to me back then, was the best guy around. A good reason for a teenage girl to fell for you madly. But … If you were just the coolest guy around, I would not regret and torture myself that much. The thing is, as I grew, I realized with time how lucky I was to meet a guy like you – the ultimate boy next-door. Your good look is attractive because of your shyness. Your personality is irresistible because of your honesty. You’re wonderful, but you’re happy and sweet in the part of a cute boyfriend and a protecting big bro. You don’t strike a pose to catch attention. Yet, you stood out easily from the crowd. Trust me, you’re the inspiration for we girls to write more, to smile more and to grow stronger bonds with one another back then. It’s you we thought about when we tried to figure out something funny to talk. It’s you we thought about when we came up with an idea of a reunion. And it’s you … like the end of a romantic sad story, always belongs to someone else – someone who we don’t care about, but we’re all jealous of.
I can imagine your face after reading all of this, that kind of “what-no-I-am-not-that-good” or even “I’m-sexy-and-I-know-it”, who knows. No, trust me, we don’t like you because you’re perfect. Perfection, by itself, has never been a good cause for a burst of emotions. We love you because you’re the ultimate boy next-door. So close you can feel about him, so everyday life you can share with him, but also so far you can only dream of him.
After thinking it all over, I guess I should wake up, get out of bed and return to my normal life. The boy next-door would never end up a boyfriend, or a husband. Better than that, they would be framed in our memory to brighten up our days in some cloudy rainy moments and to assure us that there was a time when these brown eyes and that shy smile would be the cause for a sweet pain in your heart – that kind of feelings will never last, but the memories of them would linger for good, I’m sure.
We both have to live happily, we both have to do our best to keep a part of us – the part which inspires us to love with our whole heart – always remains and sparkles deep down inside. There would be rainy days, but they would fade if we keep the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind … If you agree, wink twice!