Fresh like hot bread …

As times goes by, some parts of me just changed without my awareness. Most noticeably, I guess my selective mechanism is getting harder every single day, so not every outside factors can seep in quickly. For example, I cannot easily be impressed. I cannot easily be moved. I cannot easily be persuaded to believe in others’ perspective. At first, I thought I kind of got to the phase of being numb. I was freaked out horribly when that idea came to my mind. However, after a while, I realized that, luckily, it’s not so big a deal. It’s just a part of me growing up. As I expose more to the world, as I collect my experience day after day, I’m building up something of my own, I’m learning to see with my own eyes and to judge with my own rationality. I’m not saying that I become a been-there-done-that or a know-all-see-all bitch. All I have right now are fractions, some bits and pieces of a miscellaneous collection that I haven’t known how to arrange in right order or how to put together into a complete picture. The thing is as I grow, I somehow raise my bars higher to accept things that the world show me and somehow demand more of the world, and … well, of myself.

However, there’s one thing, one good thing that still stays with me, pure and untouched during those long hard days: the joy of reading. I still have that feelings when I come into a bookstore – the feeling of being overwhelmed and overexcited, the feeling of your heart being swollen with happiness just like when you open your eyes and see some touch of bright fresh sunlight seeping through your bedroom window on a big trip day. As I walk through the aisle, I don’t care who’s around, where I am and how long I’ve been there anymore, just books – whatever they are – whispering to me promises to take me away, to reveal me something outrageous, even give me some answers to my questions and therefore probably remove part of the heavy things on my chest. When I close my eyes and sniff a new book, I still feel safe and protected like a child in bed with warm feet and stuffed tummy. What a relief to know …

If you want to find me in some dark days of my life, visit a bookstore … I might have more wrinkles on my face and countless calluses in my heart, but hopefully this love would stay with me forever, always fresh like hot bread I often buy when standing in line in a peaceful late afternoon …


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